


Monika - Just

by Winterose



Series: Route [4]
Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M, JUST, Just Monika, Monika Route, Other, Poetry, Route, alternative ending, poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 11:02:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16366637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winterose/pseuds/Winterose
Summary: "Monika is the president of Literature Club, and no less should be expected. She's beautiful and talented, gentle and definitely someone to have a crush on. Oh wait, I didn't say that out loud, did I?"If Monika wasn't changing the game files, she had been an ordinary character to spend a weekend with like every other girl was. She's manipulative and bold, though a lovely girl. Her suggestions cannot turn out bad, can they?The story starts by sort of following the plot of the original story in the game, but will have different turns and continue further in its own course.





	Monika - Just

**Author's Note:**

> Warning! 
> 
> Since the game this fic is based on is not suitable for children or those easily disturbed, this fic either is not recommended for those who cannot play the game. It follows the themes of the game and may also include spoilers.

“Who would you help with the festival arrangements?” Monika asks me and I startle. I wasn’t really paying attention, since my thoughts are with Sayori, who is absent right now. I look at the three other girls and think.

“Everyone has so much to do”, I mumble. “Ah, I don’t know..”

“I could use a hand with cupcakes”, Natsuki suggests. Yuri knits her eyebrows.

“Didn’t you just say that you can handle them on your own?” Monika teases. Natsuki blushes.

“Of course I can”, she answers sharply and pouts her lips. “I just don’t want him to do nothing, when all the rest of us work hard during the weekend.”

“For once, I think we agree”, Yuri admits. “I’m going to have my hands full with decorations and… help would be.. nice..” Yuri lowers her voice when our eyes accidentally meet and she realizes how she spoke her mind out again. I sigh.

“I’m sorry, I was thinking about Sayori again”, I say and look at Monika. “She’s working with you, right? So she doesn’t need help, though I would like to see if she’s still sick and help her get better before the festival day.”

“That so sweet of you”, Monika smiles gently. “I have a suggestion. What if you take up Sayori’s responsibilities and we let her rest over the weekend? Maybe that makes her feel better, and you would have a job to do.”

I think about it. The idea sounds reasonable and I notice myself nodding.

“Fine. I’ll work with Monika instead of Sayori”, I agree and smile. “Hopefully she gets better, then!”

Yuri and Natsuki don’t seem too happy about the choice, but neither of them complains anymore.

~*~

Monika wanted to come to my place instead of working at hers, which leaves me time on sunday morning to visit Sayori. Her sickness is not what I thought. I thought that she has a flu or something, but instead she revealed herself being depressed through her whole life.

 _Damn it, if Monika just wasn’t coming over today_ , I think as I walk back home. _Sayori was so upset. She needs a friend now, more than anything. I should be there for her._

“Oh, there you are”, Monika’s voice makes me startle. She stands in front of my home, waiting for me. “I think I’m a bit early, but I thought you’d be home anyway. Luckily it’s not raining.”

“Ah, I’m sorry”, I feel embarrassed and open the door. “Did you wait for long?”

“Hmm, not really”, Monika shrugs happily and walks in. We go straight to my room and Monika looks around, turning elegantly in the middle of the room.

“It’s so clean”, she giggles. “Everything’s in nice order.”

“I happen to like tidying up”, I admit. “I used to clean Sayori’s room as well, when we were younger. Now I haven’t visited there in ages, so the room is all messy.”

“Did you visit Sayori just today?” Monika asks and sits on my bed.

“Yeah, I did”, I nod. Somehow I don’t feel like talking about Sayori with Monika. “Should we get started? I understood that we have quite a lot to do.”

“Oh, yes, of course”, Monika smiles. She gets some papers out of her bag and kneels down on the floor. “I printed a few booklets with our poems on them. I will print more before tomorrow, but these are examples. We’ll need to see that they are fine and then make the schedule for tomorrow, and prepare a big schedule poster to be put outside the classroom, as well as a smaller one that I will copy then to be found inside the classroom.”

I look at the booklets. They are beautiful. Every poem has its own page, the poet is written below the poem and the pages have simple ornaments to decorate them. On the cover reads _School festival, Literature club_ and tomorrow’s date.

“Wow, these are neat”, I say and smile at Monika.

“We did them with Sayori last week”, Monika answers my smile. “We wanted the cover to be colourful, but the inner pages to be more serious and simple.”

“You did a good job”, I put the booklet down. “Well, let’s get to work, then. Just tell me what to do.”

“Thank you. Do you have a nice handwriting?” Monika asks. I grin.

“I don’t think so”, I answer. Monika sighs and gets a laptop out of her bag.

“You’ll be the one writing the text to the schedule flyers, then”, she smiles gently and handles me the laptop. “There’s a file ready with the ornament decorations, use that one. I’ll write the schedule down on a poster paper.”

“Should be draft it first on a regular paper?” I suggest. “So that if we decide to change the order on the go, we wouldn’t need to do everything from the beginning.”

“Ah, good thinking”, Monika nods. “You’re so clever. I like that about you.”

Monika smiles at me and takes a piece of regular paper. I sit next to her on the floor and feel heat on my cheeks. Monika is so pretty today, wearing a gray skirt with black knee-high socks and a black shirt with a small, white bow on the neck. It matches the bow on her hair and kind of makes the look complete. I’m not used to seeing her without a school uniform.

We work on the schedule together. Monika writes the draft and once we’re done with it, she makes the poster. I’m sure that had it been Sayori working with Monika, it would’ve been Sayori writing on the poster paper and Monika working on the laptop. I feel a bit ashamed for taking Sayori’s place like this. But I think it’s for her best, if Monika says so.

“I think the schedule looks pretty good”, Monika stretches her back. “Uhh, we could take a break. Wanna make some coffee? I could use a cup of latte.”

I put the laptop aside.

“Yeah, I think we could”, I agree, hoping that there’s some coffee in the kitchen. We go to take a look and end up making a big cup of coffee to both of us. Monika takes her cup with cream, milk and sugar, making it a princess latte with more milk and cream than coffee. I put just a little bit of milk to my own cup.

“Can that even be called coffee?” I knot my eyebrows, looking at the light brownish liquid in Monika’s cup.

“Want to taste?” Monika reaches the cup forward. Suspicious, I take a sip. It’s not coffee. It’s really sweet and creamy, and I can’t really taste the coffee itself though everything else.

“Eww, no, that’s not coffee”, I tuck my tongue out, giving the cup back to Monika. Our fingers touch, when she takes the cup, and I startle a bit.  That bit is enough to spill the coffee on Monika’s clothes. Her shirt gets all wet with the coffee, and some of it falls on her skirt as well. Monika screams in surprise

“Ah, I’m sorry”, I mumble, feeling obviously very embarrassed my own clumsiness. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_ I think, moving the coffee cups aside.

“It’s fine”, Monika laughs. “I just think I’ll need to go home change my clothes. I’m sorry.”

“You can’t go out with wet clothes”, I protest. I look at Monika, feeling the heat on my cheeks. “I’ll see if I have any clothes to lend. We’re not that different in sizes.”

I stand up and walk to my wardrobe. Monika follows me.

“I think my undershirt stayed dry”, Monika says and takes off her shirt. She didn’t warn me, so I don’t have time to turn my eyes away. When she takes off her shirt, the top she has under it moves up along the other shirt and reveals her bra for a second.

I’m pretty sure my face is all red at this point. I turn my face away, coughing and looking for something to give to Monika. I find a red, hooded college shirt and a pair of black college pants, and if I judge right, they will be just the right size for Monika. The shirt might be slightly too big, since it’s a bit too large for me as well, but I don’t think it really matters.

I look away while she takes off her skirt and puts on the clothes I gave her. Once Monika is ready, I turn back towards her.

“Ehm, do you want to go home already, or should we put your clothes to dry here?” I ask.

“I think we could finish the job”, Monika smiles sweetly. “No need to take those clothes anywhere, though. I’ll wash them, once I get home.”

We sit down and continue with the schedules and a bunch of other, smaller things Monika had on her to do list. Finally we are done with everything and I walk Monika out of the house.

“I will return these clothes to you tomorrow”, Monika smiles and gently touches her collar. “This is so soft… it’s so comfortable to wear. I like this hoody.”

“There’s no hurry in returning it”, I say. “Hopefully your shirt is not ruined. It’s pretty.”

Suddenly Monika steps closer to me.

“You’re so sweet”, she nearly whispers. I can feel my heart beat harder than before. _What is this..?_ I barely have time to blink, before Monika sidesteps and says: “Oh, hi, Sayori! Are you feeling better today?”

I turn around and see Sayori standing there, seeming embarrassed by the situation she just walked in.

“Eheh, hi, Monika”, Sayori answers with a forced smile. They change a few words, and then Monika leaves, waving a goodbye and stating that we’ll meet tomorrow. She leaves me with Sayori, who soon enough starts crying and complaining how she should be happy but it hurts her to see how close I am to Monika.

“Sayori… you’ll always be my dearest friend”, I try to convince her. Sayori laughs through her tears and runs away. I sigh. I have no idea what I should’ve said to make her feel better. _Maybe I’ll buy her something from the school festival tomorrow. Some clubs are going to have a café or some sort of rummage sale for sure, so I bet there’s something to make her smile._ I walk back home, convincing myself that I still _can_ make Sayori happy. _Whatever it takes, I will make every day good enough for her to have a reason to get up from the bed._

~*~

Sayori is not awake in the morning, so I walk to school alone. When I get to the club room, Monika is the only one there yet. She smiles at me and asks where Sayori is. I state that she wasn’t awake early enough this morning.

“Hmmh, I hope you didn’t leave her hanging yesterday”, Monika shrugs and smiles. “She might not show up, if she feels emotionally dead.”

That makes me regret not waking Sayori up myself, or going after her yesterday. I apologize and run back home, grudging myself for being so thoughtless. I knock on Sayori’s front door, but get no answer. I walk in, not believing that I seriously am doing this.

“Sayori?” I call her name while knocking on the door to her room. I still get no answer. I can’t hear even a smallest of noise proving that she’s already awake. I sigh and gently open the door.

 _Hanging. Emotionally dead._ She’s more than that. She’s dead for real, hanging from the ceiling, cold and pale and still. I lose it. I can’t believe she actually killed herself. Tears fill my eyes and I can feel an empty spot in my chest, as if something was missing. _And something really is missing. My best friend. Why, oh, why? I promised to help her. I promised to be there for her. Yet this is the result of me being so ignorant of her needs. Screw this!_

I have no idea how long it took for me to gather enough of my strength to text Monika about the situation and call for the ambulance. I don’t really remember anything about it. The police asked me some questions there, but I don’t know what I answered. I just know that I never attended the school festival, and stayed home a couple of days after that as well.

 _I need to get some fresh air_ , I think, laying on my bed several days later. _I need to get out of here, before the walls fall on me._

I dress up and leave the house. I don’t plan going to school just yet, or seeing anyone. Actually I didn’t even take my phone along. I just wander around the town, walking through different neighbourhoods, looking around and breathing the fresh air. I left a note at home saying that I’ll take some time for myself, in case someone would miss me. Probably won’t but I wanted to make sure no one calls for the police to find me when I’m not actually lost or running away.

“Oh, hey, what are you doing here?” a familiar voice calls for me. I startle. I didn’t think I would run into anyone around here. I turn around and see Monika standing by a gate to a garden I adored while walking past. I’m feeling confused.

“I just went on a walk”, I answer, looking at Monika. “I needed to breathe.”

“Understandable”, Monika smiles. “Would you like to come in? I was just about to make some toasts and coffee, I could serve some for you as well.”

I don’t really have a reason to say no, even though I feel slightly uneasy about having company right now. I follow Monika inside.

“Aren’t your parents home?” I ask, walking to the living room. Monika laughs.

“I live here alone”, she explains. “The whole house to myself. Great, isn’t it?”

I nod, though I have to admit, that having a big house all by yourself feels odd. _I wouldn’t even want to live alone like this. It gets lonely pretty soon._ I say that out loud. Monika shrugs.

“I don’t know, I don’t feel lonely here. Though if you want to, I wouldn’t mind sharing the house with you”, Monika winks and walks into the kitchen, to continue the preparation of toasts and coffee, as she was doing before my arrival.

I assume it was a joke, but I find myself actually considering it. What could go wrong, sharing the house with Monika? After Sayori’s death, I think I could use a change.

“Do you have a rent here, or is it all yours for real?” I ask. I didn’t mean to, but the words just burst out of my mouth when Monika walks back to the living room with our brunch. She lays the tray on the living room table in front of me and sits next to me on the couch. She smiles gently.

“Oh, don’t you worry about that”, she waves her hand. “You don’t have to worry about anything, if you want to move in here. I’ll arrange everything.”

I grab a toast and take a bit. It feels more and more tempting every second to move here. My parents would probably allow it, too, if I explained it well enough. Monika smiles gently at me, luring me to move in. Her smile makes my heart race. _How could anyone say no to that smile?_ I wonder, finding myself bringing in my stuff only a few days later. Monika has a fully equipped room ready for me, so I only need to bring my manga books, games and clothes. I leave some things back to my parents’ house, in case I will visit there sometimes. I sort of feel like living half at home and only half with Monika. That is also what my parents agree to, and Monika promises to be fine with it as well.

 _I can always sleep a night or two at home, if I feel too anxious about sharing the house with Monika,_ I think, arranging my clothes to a wardrobe. Suddenly I feel something soft on my shoulder and look at it. Monika is handing me the clothes I lent her the other day. She smiles sweetly.

“Here. I didn’t wash them, though”, she admits. I take the clothes to my hand.

“It’s fine”, I nod. Even without smelling them, I can feel how Monika’s scent still stays on them. I put the clothes to the closet. “They are not dirty yet, so no need to wash them yet.”

Monika giggles.

“It’s ecologic to not wash your clothes after just one day of use, if they are not sportswear”, she says. I smile.

“Yeah, it is”, I stand up and turn around to face Monika. She steps really close to me and gently takes my face between her hands.

“I’m glad you chose me”, she whispers. Having her this close makes me feel drugged. Her scent is making me dizzy, her touch is making my heart beat hard, her presence is making me fall for her. I almost feel like our noses touch each other, and I let out a breath that makes Monika giggle.

“oh, you can feel it, can’t you?” she whispers. “I like you. No, more like, I _love_ you. And you love me too, don’t you? Since you moved in with me. It’s the proof I’ve been waiting for. The proof that I’ll have all your love just for myself. It will be just you and me now.”

I try to say something, but it feels like I’ve lost my voice. I wouldn’t call it love just yet; it’s more like having a crush or wanting someone without ever being able to have them. I try to push Monika further, as I feel like fainting, but Monika refuses to move. The look in her eyes turns from gentle to furious.

“Don’t push me away”, she whispers through her teeth. “You don’t push away the people you love, do you? I won’t let you do that.”

My breathing is cut by a kiss. A passionate kiss, that I answer without thinking about it. I just go with it. Monika is a good kisser, which makes me wonder who has trained her. _No one is this good by nature. But Monika is beautiful, talented and popular, I shouldn’t be surprised by the fact that she’s had a date before._

I don’t remember how we got on my bed. I just suddenly find myself laying on my back, with Monika above me, with a smirk on her face. _Gosh, that smirk creeps me out, but it suits her. Why doesn’t she smirk like that more often?_

“I knew you love me”, Monika whispers, kissing softly the tip of my nose. “You can’t resist me. You’re all mine now, from this day on until the world ends.”

My lips melt into a soft smile. I don’t know if this is what I expected to happen, but right now I don’t care. I’m under her spell, and there’s no escaping from it.

There’s just Monika.

  
  


_Lost in the eternity,_   
_I hear my heartbeat  
in the dark._

_Searching for my way,_   
_I call out your name  
in the dark._

_Reaching out for the light,_   
_I see my starlight  
in the dark._

_Forever in the cage,_   
_locked up by my fate,_   
_teardrops on my face,  
is it raining here?_

_I’m happy it was you,_   
_your voice cuts my binds,_   
_and I fly with the eagles  
through the universe._

_Safe in eternity,_   
_I hear your heartbeat  
in the dark._

  



End file.
